Overdue.EntryO.0.o...

I have procrastinated this entry for a long time. Well, it just never happens. You know those days when you are itching to blog but when you get home, the couch is just too attractive and turning on little white is probably the last thing i would do. Unless there is a highly compelling need to. Lappy white has served his purpose to serve me with its mobility that i carry it almost everywhere i go, and use it everywhere except for home. why did i decide to go full time? i wanted to. in my knowledge and understanding i know that this is the best place to be in. What could be better than being able to work in an organisation and serving God directly? my mind tells me that i am seeing a need to be filled, and also the challenges i will face whilst working here, which will be the very thing that will shape my character

i saw and i heard of testimonies of people who will leave their good paying secular job so that they can give of all they have into HIS kingdom

it was a God given opportunity that i am where i am. 2 years ago till now, i have been here, working P/T whilst finishing up my Masters course. But yet to go full time, i struggled with inadequacies, and most of all insecurities; numerous ...

Inadequate of not having skills and experience in the working world
Inadequate of not being able to lead others working within my team
Insecure of what my parents would think of me working here and not "making a mark" in the society
Insecure when i look at many of my contemporaries who have experience in "life", the income, and finances
Insecure of what i may miss out from the world outside
Insecure if will earn enough, as insignificant to what others may seem, enough to get married?
This list is not even exhaustive

i remembered walking along the shopping aisle of Myers one day and i thought to myself, do i have to give up having dispensable income? I walked on Thanking God for His provision all my life through the success of my dad's business. i am not exactly a big spendthrift but at least i did not have to scrape through my living expenses. The Holy Spirit spoke quietly to my heart walk through the narrow gate and there i will find His blessings, walk through a wide gate and there i will find destructions.

I came to realise of my mind has been filled trying to level my carnalities, trying to place thoughts of "Kingdomality" (haha made that word up) O.0.o It’s just not working
i needed the mind of God, and to know His ways that are higher than mine
I knew it wasn’t enough to go by what I feel is right and what I think should be done. I need to be convinced by the Holy Spirit

One day at the prayer meeting, about 3 months after I have flooded my mind with my thoughts, Holy Spirit spoke: I Love my Church. Will you?
It struck me. God Loves His Church and He wants all things for His Church, even His manifold wisdom to be reflected through His Church. I was convinced. I still am.

He has called me to give of my life and my career with His Church right in the centre

Final Words: Its a great feeling to surrender to God becos He will not short change. but of course, the work load is not also not short changed :)